You haven’t lived, until you’ve washed your grandfathers’ eyes in a basin. Fragile, delicate, the kind of job only reserved for the smart and capable employees. I took my job very seriously. Bending over buckets with my tiny hands and cleaning the glass prosthetics with precision. I am washed over by a wave of nostalgia. I miss the mud hut and the somersaults we used to do on the grass. Everything from that life feels like a mirage. Memories that live in my heart for when I need happy thoughts. I have learned to accept the duality of humanity. I have learned that everything is fleeting. I have learned not to feel any form of attachment or expectation. Nothing in this world can ever fulfil me. No person, no place, no accomplishment. These are just ornaments to this fleeting physical life. My only joy is myself. There is joy only where we choose to find it, but seemingly sadness always seems to follow. So, the only solution is not to feel.
Yet in turn, I cannot help it. Everything overwhelms me. We all hold assumptions about people. We see them and decide what they are. I have learned to hold no judgment. This life is too short for opinions. It is too short to debate whether this or that is the ultimate truth. These are personal journeys within one’s own mind. The bad that I notice within others is the bad within myself. The good that I notice within others is the good within myself.
I do not speak much because I understand that words have no meaning. Unless they are words spoken for our own selves over our own lives or to convey thought to other aspects that resonate with us. There are a multitude of perspectives. A multitude of realities. Things waiting to be experienced. The mind and soul have to remain as open as a lotus flower. The soul must be willing to see and be seen. We are only meant to be who we are. Shed the masks we wear. Because that is performance for something other than yourself.
I am simply a blank slate. I am nothing and no one. Therefore, I hold eternity at my breast. I can be everything, everywhere, all at once.
Apathy, this transient state of being. A fleeting manifestation of this human occupation. This plane of life’s interpretation which is necessary to transcend the confines of human reality. To feel nothing at all is to open your eyes to the gentleness of this terrible world. A world as fragile and as delicate as my grandpa’s eye. A world that could be fragmented at any moment as a consequence of the choices that we make.
Yet again, let’s speak of this cosmic dance. The dance between the self and the loss of self. The pursuit of everything not authentic to our souls’ purpose, is the erosion of our own being. There are no confines on this plane, only that which we place on ourselves. Nothing is of necessity. The very nature of life is action driven by the frequency of desire. We can act on the desires of our soul, learn our lessons and evolve. Or we can act on public perception, public desire, and erode the sense of self.
Each and every person is unique. Here to fulfil a certain purpose. Here to weave a thread in the grand tapestry. The great lesson of self that God is trying to understand. We look within ourselves because it is the nature of God, the divine to examine the self through us. Which is why we are fragments upon fragments, bending and colliding with one another to find some form of meaning. Who am I? You are God, manifest through the eyes of one another. Hold no judgment over others, because in turn judgment shall be held over you. The universal law of balance. Everything must be paid. Do not pretend to be all good and point the faults of others, because our own faults become glossed over, as you suffer the consequences of your own ignorance while pointing out that very same ignorance in the life of another. In turn, we all hold good an evil within. It is action that demands the choice over which to embody at any given moment.
So to answer the question. Who am I?
I am who I am. I exist wholly only unto myself. I cannot really even be sure that all of you are real, but I am certain that I am here, I exist, I am real. I am a constant within my own reality because I create it. No one can take my path and succeed in this journey as I do. Because each path is crafted uniquely for the aspect of God to find divine truth within it in full authenticity. Look around you and realize that the capacity to shape and craft reality lies only within you. All the good that you do is your responsibility. All the bad that you do is yours to own. No God will save you from the burdens of your soul. No God will pay you for the burdens you shoulder to save the souls of others. We are owed nothing. The greatest gift bestowed upon us is existence itself. The capacity to make a choice. The ability to experience and craft this physical reality and commune with one another.
Trust the path you set for yourself and the fruits that the path will bear.